Notable Quote

“We are odd compounds full of explosive material to which circumstances may at any time apply a spark, with results undreamed of even by those who thought they knew us best.”

- Joseph Farrell
"Lectures of a Certain Professor"

Do you have an Aha! Moment you’d like to share? I want to hear from you! Tell me about your latest Aha! moment. 

Welcome!

Today’s newsletter puts the spotlight on how emotions that aren’t processed at the time of a trauma lurk in the subconscious, certain to explode sooner or later.

Wishing you much love and light,

Jennifer T. Grainger, B.Msc.
Founder: Spiritual Growth Community

Prefer to listen to the newsletter? Click the arrow to hear Jennifer read the newsletter to you.

I was so excited to finally get two of my very best friends together to meet for the first time. I’d been talking to each about the other for years. So when my out-of-town friend came for a rare visit, I arranged for the three of us to get together.

Well, they hit it off from the get-go. Jabber, jabber, jabber . . . sharing common life experiences, philosophical viewpoints, and the same exuberant sense of humor.

The trouble was, it was as if I wasn’t even there. I did my best to mask my feeling of rejection and abandonment by telling myself I should be happy they were enjoying each other so much.

When my out-of-town friend and I returned to my home, and she was comfortably settled in the guest room, I went to bed and shed silent tears of incredible sadness.

Well, I knew it didn’t make sense to feel the way I was feeling, so I had to ask myself “when have I felt like this before? What past traumatic event is being triggered here?”

Aaarrrggghhh! Oh, no! Not that old Helen and Gloria event when I was ten! How many more years of my life are going to be impacted by that single, two minute, decades-old event?

It is all so stupid, I thought, judging my feelings as invalid, and not wanting to feel the way I was feeling.

“Get over it!” I said out loud.

Wait a minute. I would never say something like that to anyone else who was experiencing a painful emotional reaction, so why would I do that to myself?

With a kinder attitude I took a step back and observed the event through the eyes of an objective scientist, or an impartial journalist (remember them from the old days?)

OK. Here’s what’s going on, I thought. When I was ten my two best friends were Helen and Gloria. We were the three Musketeer(ettes) at school. We played together at recess. We were inseparable best friends. All for one and one for all!

One day, while hanging out in front of the school building waiting to line up (we did that back then . . . we were soooo compliant) I was happy to see Helen and Gloria approaching. Helen said, “OK. Let’s make a circle and put our hands together in the middle.” I outstretched my hands piling them on top of Helen’s and Gloria’s. Oh, goody, a new game, I thought.

Then Helen pulled one of her hands from the mix, raised it and brought it down on top of our remaining joined hands, breaking the connection, saying “this circle is broken. You are not our friend anymore.” The two of them joined hands, giggling to each other as they skipped away.

I slunk to the side of the school building where I could be alone. I didn’t know why they didn’t want to be friends with me anymore. I didn’t know what I had done. I didn’t cry. I didn’t tell anyone . . . least of all my mother, who from experience I knew would say, with a disapproving look, “well, what did you do to make them do that?”

I have no memory of any further interactions with Helen or Gloria from that time forward.

Over the years of personal and spiritual growth I’d learned how hidden beliefs were created by traumas like these. I’d learned that we make decisions about how life is and our place in it, and how to regulate ourselves in order to “get along.” We bury these beliefs in our subconscious mind and forget we were the ones who created them. We continue on in life as if “that’s just the way it is,” never questioning if it is true or not.

For the next thirty years or so, I believed there was something about me that caused people to not like me. I believed it was important to be alert to signals that people were annoyed or irritated by my presence, so I could be sure I was not imposing on anyone, or finding myself someplace where I was not wanted.

In retrospect I see I also wanted to protect myself from ever experiencing the feeling of shame that incident caused. But because I went numb at the time, I didn’t even know it was shame that I was burying.

Fast-forward to present time. Looking at this objectively helped me see the truth. I was not actually being rejected and abandoned by my friends while they were getting acquainted. What was happening was the  dormant blob of stored emotional energy that didn’t get processed out at the time of the original trauma was being activated.

Often just seeing the cause of the reaction is enough to dissipate it. But not this time. The minute I’d let down my guard the thoughts and feelings of rejection and abandonment surfaced and enormous sadness expressed in uncontrollable tears day after day.

Rummaging my spiritual growth tool kit, I wondered which would be the “right tool for the job” to work through this.

First I attempted to talk with my local friend, but when I’d tear up she’d wave me off with a “please don’t cry” look.

Oh great! Now that triggered the emotional pain from my childhood when my mother would berate me as being “too sensitive” and send me to my room until I could come out with a smile on my face.

This was like getting food poisoning when I already had the flu!

But the Universe does provide, and in this case it was a phone call from a colleague who had called to chat. Asked how I was doing, I was able to vent to her, while she listened and told me she knew exactly how I felt. Ahh . . . empathy . . . what a gift that is!

I felt so much better! But not for long. This “blob” of unprocessed emotional energy seemed a bottomless pit.

And the Universe provided again. I received a call from my good friend and energy practitioner, Nancy “Solara” Gardner, (nanner209@yahoo.com , 1-604-251-4197) who had recently married and moved to Canada. She was calling to inquire if I’d like to be her guinea pig for her to practice long distance energy work. Well, it couldn’t have come at a better time.

We chatted for about 10 minutes then agreed that after we hung up, I’d lie quietly and focus on my bodily sensations, thoughts and feelings, while she did long distance energy balancing. She said she’d call when she was finished.

I settled myself on the sofa, aware of a “busy bee” energy surging through my body, mostly in my head and chest. Soon I became aware of a dull ache in my solar plexus. It was quite uncomfortable, but not overly painful. After about 45 minutes I felt a whooshing sensation. The ache in my solar plexus was gone, and the “busy bee” sensation was replaced with an overall feeling of peace and calm.

Oh, I thought, I think she is done. Sure enough, the phone rang. I told Solara of my experience and she shared what she had observed.

“Your energy was really out of balance,” she said, “very chaotic, but it is all balanced now.” She went on to tell me that the solar plexus is the energy center representing my relationship with my self. “It is the source of your feelings about yourself,” she said. “This is about loving your self.”

Of course! Isn’t that what all this spiritual growth is about? Bringing to light the false beliefs we have about ourselves and the nature of reality so we can step into being our Authentic Selves, the essence of which is JOY!

BOTTOM LINE:

Your feelings are valid and valuable. Judging, ignoring, suppressing, repressing, blaming, feeling guilty, or being mad about how you feel negates the gifts they bear. Emotions are energy in motion. Learning to get their message and allowing them to flow through without inappropriately acting them out is a skill worth learning. Don’t you agree?                        

TIPS:

1. Acknowledge to yourself that your feelings are valid and valuable.
   
   
2. Remember, no one can make you feel anything. It is your perception and thoughts about a situation that trigger emotion, so ditch the blame, fault-finding and finger-pointing.
   
   
3. Build a set of tools and skills to manage your emotions in a way that you get the gift of awareness the emotion is pointing to, without damaging yourself or anyone else.

P.S. Acquiring spiritual growth skills and tools begins with setting your intention to do so. The Universe will immediately begin putting opportunities in your path. Pay attention. Take action.

Here is a list of possibilities you might consider:

1. Vent to an empathetic someone who will listen without judgment or advice. Unless you are extremely fortunate, that probably means a paid professional.
   
   
2. Journaling: vent on paper then ask for guidance and continue writing whatever comes into your mind. All your answers really are inside of you, you know.
   
   
3. Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) www.emofree.com I will be teaching this technique in the Spiritual Growth Community member’s teleclass on October 20th. If you are not a member you might want to register for the $1 30 day trial membership so you can participate.
   
   
4. Radical Forgiveness www.radicalforgiveness.com Read the book, do the worksheets anytime you have an emotional reaction.
   
   
5. Get acquainted with an energy therapy practitioner. We have several in the Spiritual Growth Community: Cindy Lundquist, http://www.wix.com/CindyLundquist/celestialhandshealing  Stockton, CA and Leslie Avery, ljbakavery@yahoo.com, 1-831-662-2862 (Aptos, CA)
   
   
6. Get the book, Intentional Joy: How to Turn Stress, Fear and Addiction into Freedom, by Lynn Telford-Sahl. You will learn simple, easy to use processes to manage emotions.
   
   
7. Take the Awakening Your Light Body class that starts March 6, 2010. Go here for more information . . .

P.P.S. Consider taking the one day workshop, Trapped in the Past on Sunday, November 8th, 9 am to 4 pm. You will be guided to the past life that is most impacting you today. You will reclaim the wisdom, knowledge and gifts from that lifetime and integrate them into present time. The neat thing is you will have mp3 recordings of the entire process so you can apply it on your own anytime you have repeating patterns that keep you emotionally stuck. Go here to learn more . . .

What were you taught about dealing with emotions? Were you allowed to express yourself? Were you stifled? What are your beliefs about the best way to manage emotions? What do you think? I want to hear from you!

I’ll “see” you in our next newsletter, October 28th. 

Love & Light,